A really amazing story Ben, which mostly just shines. In places, though, I feel that you overwork it a little; the actual content is so incredible that a little milder, conversational style would more than suffice. The story itself is so incredible and should hold center stage, though at times it's elbowed out of the way by perhaps a little too elaborate a prose.

Someone once said, "kill the darlings" those turns of phrase that are just incredible as turns of phrase, but the rob the story of the limelight, hence should be wordslaughtered...

But I'm being picky; really great job, Ben.

BTW, did you ever hear from these guys again?